PTSD Rage

The SLAP Felt Around the Oscar Globe

The 2022 Academy Awards will forever be marked by the moment Will Smith slapped Chris Rock in what I define as an impulsive moment of PTSD RAGE.

What makes me qualified to make such an assertion? I too have experienced post-traumatic stress disorder rage, and I was raised in an environment of dysfunction and trauma with several family members who suffered from PTSD RAGE. I’ve seen people snap like this multiple times in my life and worked really diligently to not join them in doing so. It’s taken me years of introspective work with qualified professionals, empathetic and compassionate friends and family, and a devotion to a spiritual practice that has taught me how to respond, versus react, as I find a way to process emotions and confront injustices without using rage as a tool.

We all become experts in what we experience repeatedly. I recognized the cracks in Will Smith that lead to the slap felt around the Oscar globe, when I watched the YouTube original docuseries, “Best Shape of my Life.” Cameras filmed Will Smith as he struggled to lose 20 pounds in 20 weeks, while working through childhood trauma as he wrote his memoir. Anyone watching could see that he was taking on too much. The emotions he was feeling—primarily that of embarrassment for being in the worst shape of his life, seemed to be triggering the childhood shame he had carried all his life of not protecting his mother when she was physically assaulted by his father, when Will was just a child.

Dr. Ramani, a psychologist who specializes in narcissism, was brought in as a consultant to work with Will Smith on the YouTube series. Following the Oscar slap, she released a video entitled, “Can Trauma Cause a Person to Become Narcissistic?” While she does not mention Will Smith in this video, she does allude to incidents of violence that can happen as a result of childhood trauma stating, “There are explanations for abuse but not excuses for abuse.”

The one area most people agree with, in which physical altercation is acceptable, is in the act of self-defense. What I bore witness to when Will slapped Chris, was a man who was in self-defense mode. First Will laughed at the joke, just as he described doing when his mother was abused by his father, as a way of keeping the peace—he became the family entertainer. Then, Will turned and saw the pain on his wife’s face, and I believe in this moment, all the trauma of the past hitchhiked into the pressures of the now; and in a PTSD time-travel twirl, his subconscious was emotionally transported to when he was a 10-year-old boy watching his father hit his mother, incapable of protecting her. This does not excuse or defend his behavior, but it’s a crucial piece of information worth considering.

PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) is having experienced trauma in the past, being emotionally triggered by something that happens in the present, and reacting to the present as if it’s the past, the way a soldier might react to fireworks as if they are bombs, or the way an adult who watched his mother being abused by his father might interpret a bad joke as an attack on his wife.

Will spoke in the docuseries of the guilt he has carried his entire life for not having the courage to stand up and protect his mother against his father. He extended that to say that he feels as if he has let down all the women in his life (that would include Jada). Therefore, on a subconscious level, I believe it’s possible that Will was trying to right a wrong he felt he committed as a child, to have a corrective action, and in that moment act with the courage he felt he did not have as a child, to defend his mother, by defending his wife. In that moment of PTSD RAGE, he was also making a very public display of killing “Uncle Fluffy,” the name he gave his “people pleasing personality,” (in the YouTube series) and morphing into “The General” the name he gave the part of his personality that did whatever was necessary and punished those who dare to dissent.

I am not condoning his behavior, only sharing that I recognize his behavior as a PTSD triggered rage reaction. It was an impulse, not calculated. There will be negative repercussions to his career, reputation, and in how his behavior may inspire others to do the same, setting a new precedent for comics to fear telling jokes at the expense of others.

I know that Will’s PR is spinning this about old beef over a 2016 Chris Rock joke, and Jada’s alopecia—I don’t doubt these played a role. However, it would behoove us all, especially Will, to truly see this for what it really was, a likely act of PTSD rage. Too many people are now having reactions like this just from the trauma of covid, let alone trauma from their childhoods. When we can acknowledge and call a thing by its rightful name, we can educate and help prevent further harm to ourselves and others.

What Will ultimately did (besides humiliating Chris Rock and traumatizing the audience) was a “corrective action” through an “aggressive action,” for not only did he finally get a chance to feel (one some level) as if he protected his mother by defending his wife, he also became a version of his abusive father in that moment, and this is big. In the irony of being triggered by abuse, Will became abusive. In hitting someone in front of an audience, he became like his father hitting his mother in front of the audience that was young Will and his siblings. When we find ourselves unintentionally behaving like someone we have previously judged, we experience empathy. Actually, a desire for revenge can be a desire for empathy—for someone to feel as we felt. Through empathy, we have a deeper understanding and insight into ourselves and those around us.

Not only that, but perhaps now that Will has shown the world a side of himself that he has tried to hide underneath the smile, jokes, and his people pleaser personality, those who still stay, who forgive him for being imperfect, will allow him to feel the difference between conditional love and unconditional love.

Could Will Smith ever feel fully loved by being only part of himself—the part of “Uncle Fluffy” that he felt he had to be to receive acceptance? When we can show our full selves—that includes our human foibles and frailties—and still be loved, that’s when we begin to heal. When we know unconditional love, we may feel truly loved for the very first time in our lives. If Will can integrate both sides of his personality: “Uncle Fluffy” and “The General,” he will be whole. To be integrated is to have integrity and the authenticity of our truest selves.

This is how we heal ourselves and each other, by realizing that we are all imperfect human beings. When we love people even when they are flawed (not to be confused with abusive)—We can sometimes help heal their narcissism too, for when they (IF they) can stop seeing themselves as neither inferior nor superior, but human and flawed just like everyone else, they stop needing the entitlement of narcissism to feel superior just to feel “equal to” in a way that balances any deficit of self-worth they may carry.

It bears repeating, I do not condone violence except as a form of self-defense, and…I truly believe that on some level, that is what prompted Will’s behavior: his inner child saw this as an act of self-defense. That may explain his behavior; but as Dr. Ramani stated, it would not excuse it.

I hope we can all heal from this moment. I hope Will retracts any machismo, or what the media is referring to as “toxic masculinity” and realizes what he did was inappropriate, embarrassing, self-sabotaging, and abusive. His behavior both left members of the live audience and those of us at home feeling traumatized in that moment—many of us taken back to our own childhoods of watching someone be abused and then going on with the “show” as if nothing happened. It took me several hours to stop shaking after witnessing that, and I was in the safety of my own home. I can’t imagine what the people in the audience felt. If Nicole Kidman’s reaction is any measure, it was shock and dismay.

The Academy needs to take responsibility for not stopping the show and addressing the elephant in the room when it happened. That was gaslighting for us all.

What I do not want to see happen is a justification that what Will did was some act of chivalry toward Jada for her alopecia against an insensitive joke. That is not okay. There were other ways to address that; and frankly, that would also be an act of gaslighting. Will Smith has had a long career and used his intellect and communication skills to negotiate and navigate his needs like the professional that he is. Walking on stage and slapping a comic for a joke minutes before accepting an award he has waited his entire career for, was, in my experienced opinion, a post-traumatic stress rage reaction. I hope he recognizes that and owns it—to prevent others from justifying abusive behavior in the future in the name of protecting their family.

This is how PTSD lies to us—it makes us believe that a joke is the same thing as a fist in the face. In Oprah’s book, What Happened to You?, we learn about trauma and how it can make the most sane, act insane. The question that serves those who suffer with PTSD more is “What’s Happening to You Now?” When we can press that internal pause button and realize that we are not actually in need of protection, we can avoid PTSD rage that we use as a defense in the name of “protecting” those we love.

We can hold Will Smith accountable for his behavior whilst also holding compassion and understanding for all parties and accepting the natural consequences to follow. I have compassion for Will. I have compassion for Chris. I have compassion for the audience. Compassion, not judgment, is how we heal, grow, and change.

I wish all parties wellness and wholeness.

Warmly,

Sage Justice

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If my writing resonates with you, please check out my book, Sage Words, FREEDOM, Book One, available on Amazon.

If you find my words useful, please subscribe to my newsletter at SageJustice.Substack.com

Thanks so much!