Love
LOVE; When You Meet Your Match The Love You Give Is the Love You Receive.
There’s a scene in the movie Elf, the first time the character Buddy (Will Ferrell) meets his father (James Caan), in which he says with unabashed vulnerability and genuineness, “I love you, I LOVE you, I love YOU!” When I saw that, I saw myself. I also saw how the other characters reacted to that expression of excited love—as if it was something to be embarrassed by, as if pure love expressed is inappropriate, unsophisticated, and not acceptable in polite circles.
When I was a child, I was effusive with my love for the world to such a degree that a camera crew came to our home to interview me and ask me about the source of my love. You can read more about that here.
Sometimes I express my love in a 10-gallon, over the head, celebratory bucket. It can be intense. Not everyone responds well, especially the people who only express their love in shot glasses. You know the type, careful not to praise or encourage too much or say, “I love you” (and show it) too often, doling out love conditionally, in small portions, and only when “deserved,” “earned,” or under public pressure to do so.
When a 10-gallon bucket of love pours down on a shot glass, not only does that shot glass suddenly overflow with love but it either expands to receive more or the volume of 10 gallons acts as a rushing river that pushes that shot glass down the bar and away from our lives altogether. That’s a good thing, because it removes those who aren’t ready for our love; and it makes room for those who are able to receive. We should never make our 10-gallon expression of love less than in order to receive a shot glass of love in return. Big love is only overwhelming to those are uncomfortable receiving. Much of the world is starved for love, and encouragement.
We must have the courage to pour our 10-gallon bucket of love, even if it pushes the shot glasses away because we never know whose 32-ounce cup or 3-gallon bucket we are expanding in the process, and the ripple effect ways in which those people will go on to pour love into this world, as a result of the love we gave them. The world needs more love, not less. We need more people who show up and follow-through, who give encouraging words, give more acts of support, and give more effusive kindness, so that we may expand who we are as individuals and transform the universal challenges that impact us all.
Love is the only thing that’s guaranteed to multiply the more you give it away! The question becomes, “Is it possible to meet our match and find someone who gives love as big and boldly as we do?”
DO YOU KNOW THIS SONG?
“The best gift
That I ever got
Didn't really weigh a lot
It didn't have a ribbon 'round
And it sometimes made a terrible sound
But best of all it seems to me
It wasn't neath the Christmas tree
And yet, I guess I'd have to say
That it made all the other presents twice as gay”
Released in 1967, The Christmas Album by Barbra Streisand was played on heavy rotation in my grandparents' home each December. The song on that album that had the most mystical impact on me was entitled, “The Best Gift.” It tells the story of a surprise present,
“The best gift that I've ever known
I'd always wanted most to own
Yet in my dreams of sugar and spice
I never thought it could be so nice.”
Each time I heard that lyric, something within said it was a profound truth that I would have to fight legions of fears, over many broken years to discover for myself.
“The best gift that I’d ever get
Was sometimes dry and sometimes wet
Was usually pink but oftentimes red
As it lay so innocently in it's bed
The best gift of the year to me
The one I hold most dear to me
A gift that simply drove me wild
Was a tiny newborn child...”
Maybe the song mystified me because as a child who didn’t have parents, the general sentiment growing up was that kids were a burden, not a gift. Family was something I was trying to escape, not create more of—I didn’t even fantasize about having kids until I met my husband. I was ambitious and filled with only dreams of a successful career as a performing artist/activist: the imaginary child of Barbra Streisand and Martin Luther King, Jr. Getting married was something I had never dreamed of and was as much of an unexpected gift as I was willing and able to accept. The thought of becoming a mother terrified me. I was traumatized by the film, “The Bad Seed” and fears of giving birth to a future Hitler. Evil may be made but someone gives birth to the child who becomes evil, and I didn’t want to be responsible for giving birth to a bad seed. (In the greatest plot twist of all time, I gave birth to an angel, to a child with a pure soul).
I was filled with terror at the thought of being a mother (until I wasn’t). I felt hideously ill-equipped, not having had a mother myself. (I was raised by my grandparents.) I had an intuitive feeling and circumstantial evidence that I had a genetic disorder that I might pass on to a child. (That turned out to be true, but it wasn’t diagnosed until 2013.) Although I’d always been a natural caregiver, I had a career to pursue and an allergy to all things domestic (cooking, cleaning, and generalized homemaking); nevertheless, the lyrics to the song, “The Best Gift” haunted me like a much-needed hug.
After 17 years of marriage, I gave birth to my greatest blessing; but it wasn’t until last year, when my daughter made me the most loving, creative, time-consuming four-part birthday gift I may have ever received, that I realized I had given birth to someone who matched the love I give. Her gift was so personalized, lovingly thoughtful, and required weeks of her valuable time to create, that it’s left me with a feeling of being dunked in a 10-gallon love tank. I finally realized what my disproportionate expression of love (in the past) must have felt like to others. Like, whoa, am I deserving of this?! This big love healed parts of me I didn’t even realize were broken, and it’s left me with a sense of wholeness ever since.
Our parental love has created a safe place for our child to feel like she too can be courageous enough to give and receive a cleansing, healing, and unconditional, 10-gallon bucket expression of love and not just a safe, tidy, socially acceptable, conditional shot glass expression of love. I’m so grateful to live in a home with people who are brave enough to risk loving big and enjoy basking in the rewards of receiving big love in return. Now, I’m no longer the only “Buddy” character in the room, and I can experience what it must be like for other people to be on the receiving end of my sincere emotional gushing. I understand now how this love isn’t for everyone. It’s given me compassion and a sense of pity for those who haven’t been able to receive it, while also giving me joy and empathy for those who can. In a world filled with Kangas and Roos, Rabbits, Piglets, Eeyores, and Poohs, I am no longer the the only Tigger in the room; and I’m so very grateful.
My husband also gives amazing love that is unmatched in every way, but it’s not “Buddy Elf love” (only because I think he was taught that “gushing love” was lacking in appropriate polish and grace). I’d met people who were experts in toxic “love bombing,” but I’d never met anyone who who gave pure expressions of 10-gallon love with no expectations of reciprocity. That day, the love I’d always given through deep consideration of others, and expressed with exuberance, was given back to me in a way it never has been before. When I gave birth to my daughter, I met my match, in the most healing and wonderful way; and I was blessed with my greatest gift, her love.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers and daughters who love big. If you’d like to hear more about the magnificent birthday gift my daughter made me, check out and share, Best Gift Evah, on SageJustice.Substack.com
Please remember stories like this of personal connection as the next slew of books and articles to perforate society will be written in large part by ChatGBT and other AI tools. To remember my story is to remember our shared humanity.
Sage Justice is an author, activist, and performing artist. She is committed to being the change she wants to see in the world through her work with The Unity Project; merging art with activism with a special emphasis on ending homelessness. If her words resonate with you, please donate to the cause (check out the auction for Disney collectibles, jewelry, and more) and please share this post with others.
If you found value from this short story, please subscribe to SageJustice.Substack.com for just $5 a month, or a yearly subscription is $45, where you can check out the origin story for The Unity Project, in “So This Is Love” (February 2024), or “Lightworkers: Who Are They? Why Should We Care? Could You Be a Lightworker? (November 2023) or if you’re interested in creating a life you don’t need a vacation from and the topic of loving with a boundless heart while maintaining boundaries so as to not be a doormat, please consider purchasing a copy of Sage Words FREEDOM Book One.
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